


wasting my time when it was always you

by sunflower_lwt



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Stunted Boys In Love, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Footballer Louis, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Rich Harry, idk about smut yet, not between hl dont worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_lwt/pseuds/sunflower_lwt
Summary: A "Married To The Maverick Millionaire" AU. Louis is the captain of Manchester United, Harry's the heir of the richest charity organization in the country as well as his best friend and they have to fake being married to save both of them from impending doom.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Lottie Tomlinson/Original Female Character(s), Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 25
Kudos: 36





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey there! im rae and this is my first story. it was mostly born at 11 pm when i couldnt sleep. dont expect a lot from me hskjsdhj. i might be shit at updates, so i apologise. (not that i imagine anyone must be excited lmao). if u dont like it please lie haha. i dont have a beta as of now so all mistakes are mine. let me know and i'll correct them.  
> i've also noticed lately that i have a growing hatred of capital letters. even so, i have tried my best to capitalise proper nouns. also, as far as i am aware, there are no yachts to live on in manchester but it fit the storyline so just ignore that fact. also ignore any other inaccuracies. here's the whole summary bc ao3 wouldn't let me post it: _Harry sighed contentedly and stretched in his sleep. He was breathtaking, the morning sun painting his skin in various shades of golden. He opened his eyes blearily, catching Louis' eye and giving him a small, fond, private smile, meant for just the two of them, even though there was nobody else around.  
>  In that moment, as Louis took in the dimple in his left cheek, watched his little tummy littered with marks from the night before, he registered that he'd never before felt so satisfied, peaceful, content, and most importantly, happy. And it really shouldn't all be tied to one single person. It should be concerning considering it was Harry, who'd, at age 8, cried over frogs being left in the rain because he didn't want them to be alone and wet, but it felt so fucking right. It didn't feel wrong to look at him and want to kiss him breathless. It didn't feel wrong to intertwine your fingers with his without thinking. It should be wrong to physically need his presence 24/7 to keep you from going insane. Yet why did Louis find himself falling? And why did he not regret one bit of it?  
> _  
> enough of my rambling now, enjoyyyyyyyy x

“What’s the total?” Louis fished out his wallet to pay the cabbie. He had been unusually quiet during the ride; most cabbies Louis encountered couldn’t stop talking about how huge fans they were, how much their daughters loved him, would he take a picture etc. It did get a bit tiring after a while. Recently, however, everywhere in Manchester Louis went he kept getting judgemental looks and whispers. He felt like Harry Potter, the poor guy. It wasn’t his fault though- he had Eleanor and Briana to thank for that, those clout-chasing scumb-

  
“You don’t need to pay! Just maybe a selfie to show my old woman?” Louis was pulled out of his vicious thoughts by the cabbie’s hopeful tone. He thought it was a bit weird that after being silent he remembered who Louis actually was, but who cared? He was too tired to think of it. He nodded and smiled when the cabbie got comfortable in his front seat and extended his hand upwards, selfie camera on. It looked more like a grimace, if he was honest. His feathery brown hair looked scruffy, as did his beard, and his eyes looked sunken. He hadn’t slept peacefully in days.

  
After getting out of the cab (mentally registering that this was his 20th free ride in this month, which spoke a lot about how much he travelled and how much people were willing to bend over their ass to please him), he entered the bakery. It was about two streets away from his yacht, and he usually never took cabs anywhere close to his yacht. He’d made that mistake at his old apartment, and regretted it immensely when he’d been woken up in the middle of the night to see six girls in his bedroom, window wide open, all crying over how beautiful he was. Yeah, he’d rather not go through it again.  
The door chimed as he entered the bakery, slowly inhaling the smell of sweets and biscuits and all that sweet stuff. His black tank top stuck to his skin. Disgusting. Louis looked around and waved at the cashier, Rebecca, a real smile finally gracing his lips. He came here often and knew all the staff by name by now. His favourite part (apart from the pastries, duh) was that they all treated him normally. They always spoke to him casually, and never treated him like a celebrity. Or mini-celebrity, whatever. He was not _that_ conceited, alright?

Today it was thankfully empty. He breathed a sigh of relief. As much as he loved meeting fans, he was in no mood for squeals and flashing cameras and autographs. By now, he could literally do his signature even in his grave.

  
“Hey, Louis. What’s up?” Johnny, the man behind the counter said. His evergreen wide smile was in place, white teeth as perfect as ever. He was extremely friendly to everyone, and his multiple lip rings couldn’t be more misleading.

  
“Can I have a Cornish pasty? Not in the mood for much today. It’s been an exhausting week,” he grimaced. Johnny and Rebecca exchanged looks. _Oh fuck. No, no, no. Not them, please._ He groaned. “You guys don’t actually believe what they said, did you? Come on, please,” he begged, unable to comprehend that two of his closest friends would believe all the lies, the accusations made at him.

  
Rebecca sighed, coming out from behind the counter and holding his face in her hands. He blinked.  
“Of course not, love. We know the truth. We’re just worried. We haven’t seen you in two weeks. I just hope everything works out for you.”  
Louis exhaled, not meeting her eyes. Thank god. At least _someone_ believed him. “Yeah, me too.”

****  
Louis took off his dirty Vans. God, he loved running when he was angry: the wind whipping in his ears, hair billowing behind him, the feeling of being free… How he wished he could run away to Timbuktoo and start over as a new person. He was so damn tired of being Louis Tomlinson™ and living with all the lies. He was tired of being the captain of Manchester United. He was tired of having to deal with it alo-

  
“Lou!” Louis shrieked and nearly toppled over. “What the fuck? Who are you?” His voice sounded high-pitched. He gripped the nearest table to steady himself. His heart was racing like mad. It wasn’t much use because he nearly toppled over again when _he_ came into view.

  
“Harry?” He whispered. His voice sounded strange even to his own ears. Blood suddenly rushed to his head and then south when he raked his eyes over the giraffe in front of him. God, in the two years they had not seen each other, Harry had grown ten times more attractive. Had he always been so… hipster? Did he always keep his shirts unbuttoned to his chest? Had the stupid butterfly tattoo always looked so appealing? _Stop thinking about him that way! He’s Harry, your best-friend/brother Harry!_  
Louis closed his mouth when he realised he’d been gaping at Harry and checking him out. His chocolate brown curls fanned his face. He was wearing a green bandana that went very well with his eyes. Currently, his mouth was stretched out into a huge smile. Louis shook his head in an attempt to clear it.

  
“Come ‘ere, you doofus! Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis stretched his hands out, motioning for Harry to hug him. He could feel himself grinning like a maniac, but fuck if he cared. It felt good to smile. Harry readily took a step forward and finally wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist.

  
Louis would totally deny it later, but the moment he hugged Harry around the neck, the moment he buried his nose in Harry’s hair, it felt like the world righted itself around him. All the chaos of his life seemed to leave him and all that mattered right now was Harry’s strawberry shampoo and his muscular back and his large hand rubbing soothingly over Louis’. Louis felt tears spring to his eyes, and he couldn’t do much but to let them fall because everything finally felt too much. And he had missed Harry too much. He closed his eyes and wiped them on Harry’s shirt. He knew he wouldn’t complain.

  
Louis pulled back, but kept his hands around Harry’s neck. Harry didn’t remove his either. It felt weirdly intimate but that was how things always had been between them. Harry was his anchor, he kept him grounded through all the rush of his life. Even though he could hardly be present physically, they were constantly in touch. His work required him to travel to remote third-world countries to work on improving living conditions. Louis was immensely proud of what Harry did, even though he sometimes hated that they couldn’t do normal best-friend things, like hang out and drive through the city drunk at midnight. Harry could be in Zimbabwe one week and Azerbaijan the next.

  
“Where were you before you came here?” With the craziness Louis had been dealing with recently, he couldn’t remember. “Lesotho, Africa. A project to counter soil erosion,” Harry smiled. Louis nodded, somewhat in awe. He had always admired Harry for doing what many would not consider a “manly” job. He had enough wealth to last three lifetimes, he was the son of the world’s best ballerina, the heir of the biggest charity organization, the younger brother of the world’s most sought after freelance journalist, yet he chose to visit places people had never heard of just to make sure they could live a happy life. He was expected to roll around in his money, spend his nights getting drunk and hooking up with random people, and getting into trouble but never having to face punishment for it. It couldn’t be farther from the truth, however. He hated his privilege and how the media treated him. He gave his all to the foundation and expected nothing in return.

  
“Do the paps know you’re home?” Louis asked, and Harry nodded. The paps were just as obsessed with Harry as they were with Louis, though Harry just ignored them or occasionally smiled at them. Louis, however. Louis had, in the past two years, kneed a pap in the balls, kicked his football at another’s head, stolen a camera from one of them, and cursed them to their faces more times than anyone could count. He had a hate-hate relationship with them and firmly believed they were the scum of the earth. _Why can’t they just mind their own business?_

  
“I just came back from the hospital. The triple bypass was successful. But the doctor said he can’t work for three months, so he’s upset about that,” Harry grimaced, running his hands through his hair. He had cut it a few months ago, when it had reached his shoulder, but he kinda missed it. Louis knew he was nervous but was doing his best to keep on a brave front. Harry’s dad, Des Styles, also CEO of StylesCorp was another example of “don’t judge a book by its cover”. He appeared to be gruff and strict, but was the funniest person Louis knew. He was totally committed to the organization and Louis could definitely see where Harry had got it from.

  
“Listen, he has to make his health a priority. Don’t worry, I’m sure the organization can survive without him. Besides… you’re staying, right?” Louis’ question ended on a hopeful note. _His best friend was back_. He didn’t mean to sound selfish but having Harry here till his father got better was a win-win for everyone: the organization, Louis, his father and Harry himself. He deserved a break and Louis deserved to have his best friend back after two years. Ever since Harry’s ex-husband, Nathan (the bastard) had crashed his plane and died two years ago, Harry had hardly been in Manchester for more than a day. To this day, he refused to talk about Nate. Louis had been strongly opposed to their marriage, not only because Nathan was 30 when they married and Harry was 22, but because he firmly believed that he was a complete douchebag. They had been married for two years before the accident, meaning Harry had gotten married 4 years ago. _Wow, time flies._

  
Harry nodded and it took Louis a minute to come back to the present. “What about you?”  
“What about me?” Louis’ tone had turned defensive even though he hadn’t meant it to. He knew exactly what Harry was talking about. Harry opened his mouth to speak when there were footsteps and Louis groaned, knowing exactly who it was. God, did he regret giving his friends the security code. He rubbed a hand over his face, really not wanting to deal with the situation at hand. It was an utter disaster.

  
“Harry! Been a long time, mate! How ya been doing?” Louis heard a whoop and the unmistakable Irish™ voice of Niall, his teammate, goalkeeper and best friend (though he very much regretted that title at the moment). Zayn, his other best friend, simply gave Harry an acknowledging nod before coming straight to Louis. “You okay, mate?” He asked in a low voice and Jesus, Louis was so fucking grateful for him. He never spoke much but could read Louis better than anyone, though second to only Harry. Liam, his (PR) manager entered the room, professional as ever. He seemed faintly embarrassed by how loud Niall was being, but behind his glasses his eyes shone fondly. Louis watched Niall and Harry laugh. He was glad that two of the closest people to him had always got on so well.

  
“Sit down, lads, I’ll get you some tea,” Louis announced to the room at large. Zayn was still watching him, and to be fair, it was creepy. Louis was not going to break down into tears all of a sudden, thank you very much, so Zayn should just keep his scrutinizing gaze at home. He used to be Man U’s medical intern before he had grown some balls and told his parents that it wasn’t what he wanted to do. Now he was an artist and thriving, and Louis was very proud of him even though he rarely expressed it. Zayn had remained in touch with few of the team, and him and Niall and Louis had formed a strong bond over time.

  
Louis stepped into his kitchen, happy to find some time for himself, and to prepare for whatever was coming. He rested his forehead against the fridge in an attempt to avoid the incoming headache. He suddenly felt two strong arms wrap around his waist and he tensed for a moment before realizing it was only Harry. He relaxed, his back to Harry’s chest. “You’ll be alright. Don’t stress out so much,” he murmured in his signature deep tone. His voice sounded like honey sometimes. Hey, that’s a good thought. Louis smiled. “Yeah.” His own voice sounded raspy. He wriggled out of Harry’s arms and headed to make the tea.

****  
Five minutes later, Louis entered his living room and set the tray down on the center table. Everyone was sitting on the sofa and chatting idly. He couldn’t understand how they all seemed so calm when there was a tornado brewing inside him. He cleared his throat.

  
Liam looked up from his iPad where he seemed to be reading something. Harry looked up at him and motioned towards the empty seat beside him. Louis happily obliged, pushing his left leg under his butt. Zayn was the first to talk. “So.” He vaguely gestured towards Liam, who sat up in his spot, ready to start.

  
You see, the whole thing was actually a disaster. There was literally no other way to describe it. Louis was a closeted gay footballer. Who constantly had to pretend that he was a “player”, moving from lady to lady, when in reality they were all his beards. He had never had sex with any of them, (had never had sex period), just taking them home so that the paps would catch some pics, and then telling them he wasn’t in the mood or that he’d changed his mind and they’d go home grumbling. The problem had started a few days ago, when he’d accidentally confessed to his latest beard, Eleanor, that he was gay. She, in turn, had contacted his previous beard, Briana, and together they had cooked a story where Louis apparently dated both of them at the same time. For what, no one will ever know. The news had caused an uproar, all three of them constantly being bombarded with interviewers. Both women had totally lapped up all the praise for being “brave enough to speak up against a privileged white misogynist who thinks he can play with women’s hearts”, none of which was true. Eleanor had even added a quick,”I think he likes dick, to be honest,” which. Yeah. It had ruined everything. As if the situation needed more bad news. It had triggered rumours and divided the public’s opinions. Even worse, Louis had found out after a week of intense partying and an incoming hangover. All in all, pathetic, really.

  
“So,” Liam began, startling Louis, “obviously all of this has been pathetic, and your team is suffering, Louis. There has been horrible publicity and the new season is starting. You guys cannot afford this, because you can’t risk the sponsors getting mad. The media brought up Rayne’s cheating scandal and, well..,” Liam shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. He looked at Niall, who had gone pale. “They’re saying it’s rubbing off on the team.” Louis groaned, hiding his face in his hands. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_. Rayne’s well-publicised affair with the princess had only been more publicised when news came of him sleeping with her best friend. _Yeah, fuck is right._

  
“But what about Eleanor’s comment? That Louis’ gay? No heat around that?” Harry questioned, his brow furrowed. Liam wriggled in his seat, his discomfort visible. He was a very good agent and an even better friend, but if he didn’t think this was good then chances were Louis was screwed.

  
“Well, they did give it a little attention at first, but they do think it might be true now. According to the tabloids, changing up girlfriends constantly and ‘hooking up’”-his fingers etched quotation marks-”seems to be the typical go-to for closeting. It’s a very effective way of hiding and they know it now.”

  
Surprisingly, Zayn spoke up. “So the media now knows, or at least has an idea that Louis might be gay?” Liam nodded in response, biting his lip. “And I don’t think there’s anything we can do to hide it now. If we get another beard, it’s just going to come across as a confirmation.” A tense silence descended upon them.

  
Louis sighed. He could hear the unfinished sentence. He was going to have to come out; there was no other option. _Fuck. I don’t fucking want to come out. I just want to play footie and watch Peaky Blinders; is that fucking too much to ask?_ He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, and his insides were torn up. He could feel his hands shaking.

  
“Lou?” Harry’s voice was gentle. Louis hated it. “I know you have your reasons to stay closeted, but imagine the impact it would make if you came out. You are already an inspiration to so many young people. It would be a win-win for everyone.” Louis turned his head to glare out the window. His eyes filled with unwanted tears and he brushed them away, aware that everyone was watching him again. Sure, it was true that him coming out would be a milestone in football history, and how much it would’ve meant to him when he was a child if his favourite player came out. But it was not that easy. He was sick of it, sick of his best friends looking at him like he was weak and fragile and about to break any second. He didn’t need their pity or sympathy or gentle stares. It was so fucking easy for Harry to say; he had been out since basically forever and sometimes Louis hated, envied him for it. He embraced himself fully and was so open about everything. Everyone loved him but that was the thing: no one had ever loved Louis for who he was. His own family, his old teammates.. everyone had distanced themselves at the slightest hint that he was gay. This was why he didn’t want to come out. Football was everything to him; he would not do anything that would endanger it. He lived and breathed it. It was the sole constant in his life, apart from maybe his friends. This was why he had become closed off. The field alone was where he belonged. He could not risk ruining his career. Coming out was not his cup of tea, for sure.

  
He was jolted out of his emotional rollercoaster by the Marimba ringtone. He looked towards Harry, whose eyes were wide. “Oh, it must be the hospital. Excuse me.” As Louis watched Harry (and his arse) walking toward the deck, he figured his sudden attraction to him was definitely a complication he could live without.

****

Harry walked out onto the open deck. The sun was shining, a rare occurrence in England. Maybe being back here was not such a good idea after all. Especially since he’d felt some action in his pants when Louis had been checking him out. Huh. Interesting. _No!_ He shook his head. He was like his _brother_ , for god’s sake. Harry took it as a sign that his sexuality was slowly creeping back after two years of celibacy. He was sure he would be attracted to any fit man, not just Louis.

  
He was jolted back to reality by his phone ringing. Harry didn’t recognise the number. He picked up and brought it to his ear and was greeted by a bored female voice. “You will be connected to Mr. Arnold Smith momentarily.” What? Why the fuck was Nathan’s lawyer calling him after two years?

  
“Am I speaking to Mr. Harry Grimshaw-Styles?” A crisp, professional voice rang through the phone. _Grimshaw-Styles?_ It had been a while since he had been called that. Harry inhaled. “Yes, Mr. Smith. How can I help you?”

  
“I’ve been sending you constant emails, but I trust you didn’t read them?” He barrelled on without waiting for an answer. “I found out you were in the country so I decided to trace you down. We have to talk about Mr. Grimshaw’s will.” Harry inhaled sharply. Nate’s will? He thought they sorted it out? Weren’t his sons going to get everything?

  
“I trust you read the folder I gave to you after the funeral?” _What file?_ What was he talking about? “I’m sorry, it..it doesn’t click.”  
Mr. Smith sighed. He started in a gentle tone, “After the funeral, I gave you a folder that contained Nathan’s will. I told you to read it when you felt a little stronger. You didn’t do it, did you?”

  
_Oh_. Harry barely remembered it, and it was probably still at Nate’s untouched house. He tried not to think of him again. The memory alone triggered him so bad. “Shouldn’t the estate be divided among his sons? I thought that was decided?”

  
“Unfortunately, there’s a lot more to it. You see, Mr. Grimshaw wanted you to inherit it, but he didn’t want you to share it with your future partner. The estate includes his mansions, everything inside them, his cars, his collection of watches, gemstones, his other properties, including ones that are overseas, his numerous bank accounts, as well as his shares in Grimshaw International. The estate is valued to be in the region of $200 million.” _Damn_. Harry’s eyes went wide. But it was Nathan’s. It was tainted and all Harry wanted was to be as far as possible.

  
“I don’t want anything, please. Just..just give it to his sons!” He pleaded. “The will cannot be changed. Now, you have a way to get out of this situation. His will states that if you remarry within two years of his death, everything will be instead divided equally between his two sons.” _What? The? Fuck?_

  
_“What?_ So you’re telling me that I have to marry within four months to ensure that his sons get what they’re morally and ethically entitled to? He was their father, for god’s sake!” Harry shrieked. He sounded hysterical. This was totally fucking nuts. He tried to calm down, but he couldn’t. _Nathan, you scumbag. How can you make my life hell when you’re not even here?_

  
Mr. Smith begged Harry to read his emails and hung up a few minutes later. Harry stood where he was for a few minutes, angrily brushing away the few tears that appeared. Everything was surrounded by Nathan’s commanding spirit, the real person he was behind the mask of Manchester’s most perfect businessman. Harry swore to god, he’d marry the first man he could find to get rid of Nate’s contaminated legacy.

  
****

  
“Haz? You look pale.” Harry looked up at Louis. He tried to smile but it just looked like a grimace. “Apart from the fact that I need a husband, I’m good.” At everyone’s shocked looks, he waved his hand. “Bad joke, forgive me. What are we gonna do about Lou’s situation?”

  
Liam leaned forward, expression thoughtful. “I wish you weren’t joking, Harry. Lou marrying you would be excellent PR.” Zayn and Niall laughed, Louis frowned, but Harry raised his eyebrows in a tell-me-more expression.

  
“You’re PR gold, Harry. You married Nathan Grimshaw, the country’s most eligible bachelor. I don’t think I need to tell you about your family background. You’ve never been rude to a pap and so they absolutely love you. All the stuff you do is already a huge hit. They love your friendship with Louis and chances are, if you get married, they’ll believe he is finally starting to settle down. It could be good for both of you, since you’re staying here for at least three more months, is that right? Your dad will not be working for that time because of his operation, so you can just take care of the organization from Manchester.” At the end of Liam’s monologue, Harry chanced a glance toward Louis. He looked like he was waiting for them to stop spouting nonsense and focus on finding an actual solution. His eyebrows were raised and he looked bored.

  
The problem, though, was that this was not nonsense. It made sense. Harry’s heart picked up. Could he? Should he? Dare he….?  
Harry turned to Louis, a bright smile playing on his lips. “So, what do you think? Wanna get married?”


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'ello 🤠 🔫 i'm sorry this is so late first of all 🤦🏽♀️ (in case you were waiting, ily). thanks for all the comments and support on chapter 1 <33 hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner.

Harry closed the door and waved a final goodbye to Louis’ friends. He sighed, walking over to the sofa. His and Liam’s suggestion had been met with a very stern telling off from Louis, who told Harry that it was not amusing in the least and very inappropriate given the extent of the situation. Right now, he’d told Harry to stay away from him while he showered. Of course, he wouldn’t agree to Harry’s suggestion. Looking back, it did seem wild. _I mean, your best friend suddenly asks you to marry him to save both your asses on a whim? Ha. Fat chance._

The thing, though, was that Louis still didn’t know the actual reason Harry had suggested it, nor had Harry told him anything about the will or how this was a win-win solution for both of them. Louis thought that Harry was doing it only to help him. He didn’t know anything about Harry’s disastrous marriage. Harry would prefer to keep it that way, thank you very much. He didn’t want to relive the folly of his youth, especially not with Louis. He would very much like for his best friend to not lose the respect he had for him. 

But marrying him would be such a good solution. Harry was so rarely in the city that whatever he did or said would immediately make headlines. In short, he sold papers, online or printed. Besides, Louis was exactly the kind of man Harry would ever consider marrying. He was pretty chill, always respected boundaries, didn’t like to control people, and went by the motto of “live and let live”. In fact, he was the only type of man Harry would consider. Besides, he’d known Louis for so long, he trusted him over anyone else. He was 100% sure Louis wouldn’t rock his emotional boat. In so many years, they’d never thought of each other as anything other than friends. That little tingle he’d felt between his legs was just a sign that his libido was coming back and nothing else. Harry would be safe with him. _Everything fits so well!_ He just has to get Louis to agree. 

****

Louis forcefully grabbed some shampoo from the shelf. He dumped it into his hand and suddenly thought of Harry’s delicious-smelling shampoo. _No_! Louis almost shouted. _No. Just fucking stop thinking about him_. Nice. Now the point of his meant-to-be relaxing shower was gone. His architect had promised him it was a state-of-the-art shower. Right now it was doing close-to-fucking-nothing to help him calm down.

Louis sourly thought of Harry again. Was he even in his right mind? What the fuck was he thinking? That they just get married? _Fucking crazy, honestly. He’s spent too much time moving around. He seems to have left his brain in Lisbon or wherever the fuck he was._ Louis shook his head. 

He was not a family man and Harry knew it. To be honest, he had barely been a part of the family he had grown up in, and now Harry wanted to start one with him? It was nothing more than a recipe for disaster and Louis did not want another new problem in his life. Especially one that could put their friendship of so many years at stake. There was no way anything good could come out of this. 

But then, why did he sometimes feel a sense of longing when he saw his high school mates with their spouses? Why did he come back more often than not wishing there was someone waiting for him at home? Someone he could trust and love. Someone who’d help distract Louis from his responsibilities as the captain of a team of such calibre?

 _Nah_ , Louis decided. _It must be the flu or something. There’s no way I want to settle down._

His teammates needed him to get his shit together and be a responsible captain. He wasn’t being fair to any of them. If they needed him to pull a rabbit out of a hat, he would. He was willing to sacrifice anything and everything for his career, for his team to thrive. He would calm down on his antics, train like hell, and not even think of cursing at a pap. Easy enough. He could clean his act without having to marry his fucking best friend.

Louis closed his eyes and exhaled, scrubbing his scalp. It was actually kinda relaxing. Huh. 

_Okay, it’s fine. I’m going to walk out, wear my clothes, go to Harry and tell him this won’t work out. Easy peasy. He’ll understand. He’s my best friend, right? Yes, he’ll understand. And I’ll make Niall pay for all my drinks at the next bar night. That’s it. Simple as fuck. Why was I even freaking out? This is alright_. Louis mentally clapped himself on his back. _Good job lad, good job._

****

Harry grabbed a beer can from the fridge he had helped Louis pick out over FaceTime and chugged all of it in one go. He scrunched up his nose. _It’s been a while._

He stared out of Louis’ French windows and sighed dreamily at the sunlight streaming in. No matter how much he hated it, he couldn’t deny that Manchester was a beautiful city. The view was incredible. Louis owned an amazing yacht, that is for sure.

 _Louis_! His brain supplied. _Louis in his football jerseys… Louis in his suits..._ Harry shuddered. _Nope. No. Nuh-uh. We’re not going there now. We gotta focus on convincing Louis to marry me ASAP. You’re not thinking of him like that again, you hear me?_ Harry shook his head and frowned sternly.

“Who’re you shaking your head at, Curly?” Harry jumped and squeaked, putting a hand on his heart.

It raced even faster when he saw Louis in a lavender sweater that was way too big on him. Louis walked towards him until Harry could smell his shampoo. _He looks so soft and cuddly! I wanna drown_. Harry looked at the sweater. _That’s mine_. “That’s miiine,” Harry whined. “Also, warn a man, you dick. I’m an old widow, drowning in melancholy and thinking of my husband lost to war, alright?” Harry spread his arms dramatically out like in Titanic, eyes closed.

Harry opened his eyes, giggling, but stopped when he realised Louis was staring at him blankly, mouth slightly open. He racked his brain to remember what he'd said. Fuck. Harry’s face fell. He extended his hands, hoping Louis would take them, but nope. He turned around and walked to the kitchen. _FuckfuckfuckmylifefuckLouisfuckmefuCKNATHANIHATETHIS_ played on loop in his brain. 

He definitely wasn’t thinking about how his words could be interpreted. He definitely wasn’t thinking about how Louis could take that as a reference to Nathan. 

Harry looked at Louis again, but it was no use. His back was to him; he was apparently chopping something at the pristine counter. 

“Say, Harry,” Louis began after about ten minutes of Harry just watching him, startling Harry. 

“Yes?” His voice sounded meek. “Yes?” he repeated, voice decidedly stronger this time.

“Do you ever miss Nate? All that he offered? You must miss all the luxury, for sure. Those monthly spas must be good, hm?” Louis’ voice was clipped and full of fake cheer, implying that he wasn’t really curious. He just wanted to get a rise out of Harry. 

Silence. 

Harry sat there in silence, letting the words wash over him. His throat dried rapidly. A gun could fire and he wouldn’t hear it over the blood rushing to his ears. He could feel his heart racing and mind chanting _NateNateNateNate_ on loop. His breathing got rugged and he could feel the bile rushing up his throat. His stomach churned.

Harry wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to ignore the itch to scream and lash out and harm himself. He could feel himself shaking. Maybe if he held himself tight enough, everything would be alright. _But Louis thinks you love Nate! FUCK NO. Yes, he does. No, I will clear his misconception right now._ Harry desperately shook his head and opened his mouth to talk to Louis- _what was I going to say? Yeah, I don’t miss Nate_. He grasped the nearest surface, body shaking uncontrollably. _Don’t talk right now! It’s not even that fucking important you dick! BUT IT IS_! He could hear a voice screaming it over and over again but he couldn’t figure out if it was his head or something else. _No, no_. He shook his head. _Louis needs to know! He needs to know I don’t love him, I don’t miss him._ Harry could feel tears rolling down his cheeks but _no- I shouldn’t be crying over Nate, he doesn’t deserve it, now Louis probably thinks I miss him, no- no no no that’s not true Lou please believe me- Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head NO I CAN’T FAINT RIGHT NOW LOUIS NEEDS TO KNOW!_

“ _HARRY_!”

****

Harry woke up to water being splashed on his face. He startled and wriggled around. “Ngghh”, he groaned, trying to open his eyes but discovering they were wet. 

“Hey, hey, Haz, it’s alright.” Harry’s mind jackrabbited. _Louis? Taking care of me? Fuck that’s so embarassing. Did he see everything?_ Christ. Harry let his head fall back, expecting the floor. His eyes widened when he realised it was soft... Am I in his bed? 

He opened his eyes with a little difficulty, wiping his face with his hands. He was indeed in Louis' four poster bed, and he could see the dark red covering the walls. The room was messy but it didn't matter.

Louis was staring down at him, blue eyes filled with concern. His mouth was pulled into a small smile but Harry could see he was worried. 

“Are you alright?” His voice was gentle, but rough, as if maybe he’d been screaming. Harry nodded. Louis nodded back and broke the gaze, looking at the window, gulping.

“I- I’m sorry... I didn’t realise it was triggering for you, you know. I was being a dick. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you have a panic attack.” He hesitated for a second before plunging on. 

“It was really scary, worse than they used to be.” Louis sounded guilty and Harry hated it. 

“It’s not your fault, you know. I guess the travelling just got to my head,” Harry bullshitted, as if Louis was naïve enough to believe it somehow. They had never talked about Harry’s marriage but he knew that there was definitely a story there somewhere. Louis gave him a look that said “You wanna try being less obvious next time?” but otherwise made no comment.

They sat in silence like that for a while, both of them wanting to speak but not sure how to address the topic. Harry hated this sudden awkwardness between them; it had never been like this in so many years. _Fuck it_ , he thought, and opened his mouth to speak, but apparently Louis had the same idea, because they were both speaking at the same time. 

“So I was thinking…”

“About that idea you had…”

They broke out in laughter after a stunned moment of silence, some of the ice finally breaking and the awkwardness slipping away.

“You go first,” Harry grinned, gesturing to Louis, one dimple making an appearance. Louis grinned even wider. _I did that to him_ , Harry thought gleefully. 

“So, I was saying,” he began, his smile growing slightly smaller. “About that idea you had—”

Harry launched up the bed, eyes wide. “Oh god, don’t tell me you’ve been considering it!” He sounded way too excited than he should be. _This was way easier than I thought it would be!_

Louis, however, looked dejected. Harry could feel his balloon of happiness go _pop_! “That’s... not what you wanted to say, was it?” Louis shook his head and Harry sat back on the bed, crossing his arms. 

Louis sighed, reaching towards Harry, but he refused to give in or even look at him. “Come on, H, don’t start pouting. I was just wondering why you’re so insistent about us getting married... like, what is the point? I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” It was Louis’ turn to cross his arms and stare expectantly at Harry, who was suddenly very interested in his pink nails. 

“Come ooonn, I just want to know the reason,” Louis whined, prodding at Harry’s knees with his toes. Harry finally gave up and giggled. He sighed, taking Louis’ hands in his and playing with his delicate fingers. He was definitely not going to tell Louis the real reason, but he could at least attempt to change his mind, right?

“The thing is, Lou,” he began, using the nickname on purpose, ”I am hardly ever in the city. Whenever I am, it’s always in a rush. This time, though, I have to be here for at least three months because of dad’s surgery. I won’t be working on the ground for that time because I am supposed to run the organization. Besides, we can finally catch up after two years! I’ll also need a place to stay, so.” Harry shrugged. Louis looked deep in thought but he looked up at Harry’s last sentence, face equal parts incredulous and murderous. 

“You want us to get married because you need a place to stay? Do you realize how fucking lame that sounds?” Louis shrieked, pulling his hands back from Harry’s grip. And honestly, Harry got where he was coming from, and he did sort of regret saying that last sentence. But Louis needed to pay attention to the actual point.

“It’ll just be an added bonus, Lou. That’s not the point,” Harry urged. Louis was still seething and he somehow reminded Harry of a hedgehog. He had to stop himself from grinning.

Harry took Louis’ fingers and once again put them in his lap, playing with them. “You’re missing the point here, Louis. You know as well as I do that me marrying you would be a major boost.”

“I do know that, Harry, but the thing is I don’t need you to boost my reputation. I will not risk my friendship with you for a stupid fucking PR stunt," Louis snapped.

And there it was. Harry sat staring, stunned in silence, wondering how on earth he ever came to deserve to know someone like Louis Tomlinson. This was what got him every time; the dignity and integrity Louis had. Through whatever he did, he always made sure his actions affected no one but himself.

“I do know that, Lou. Of course you can do anything you set your mind to. But marrying me will get it done faster. You have to think about the team. You’re the captain and a role model for so many people. Don’t throw it all away just because you’re unwilling to take this step,” Harry finished gently. 

Louis exhaled, not meeting his eyes. “Coming out... It...” Louis shook his head, “it’s not as easy as you think. What if it all goes wrong, Harry?” Louis clutched Harry desperately. His blue eyes were wide, seeking some, any reassurance. But Harry knew he needed to let Louis speak first. 

“What if no one accepts me? If I come out, I will be the first one to and I... I don’t think I can jeopardize my career like that. Football is everything to me, you need to understand that.” His words came out in a rush, as if begging Harry to understand, as if Harry was going to fade away. “And I don’t think I want to come out for a stunt, like how pathetic is that? I’ve had enough of them to last a lifetime, thank you very much.” Louis chuckled bitterly. Harry just nodded and hugged Louis tightly as his body shook with tears he refused to shed.

It was a while before Louis calmed down. He wiped his face. He looked up at Harry, marks on his cheeks after not moving from his place by Harry’s shoulder. He looked so small in that moment, it was all Harry could do to not shake him and scream in his ears, “Don’t you see how perfect you are?!” He didn’t, though. He just kissed him on the forehead once. Harry opened his mouth to speak, determined to make Louis understand why this was absolutely necessary. If they could do this, he’d be killing an entire pesky flock of birds with one huge stone. Louis just needed to see the bigger picture. 

“I know you’re scared, Lou, and as much as I want to, I can’t take away your insecurities. But I’m 100% sure that the reactions will be positive. Don’t you remember, two months ago Arsenal’s former coach came out as bi? The response to him was so supportive. Everybody loves you, Louis, not just as a player but as a person. Please don’t let your fears blind you. I know this is not the best way to come out, but think of all the kids you’ll be an inspiration to. You absolutely cannot risk any bad publicity, especially when the new season is just around the corner.”

“I get it, but... Do we actually have to get married? Why can’t we just like… I don’t know, fake-date or something?”

Harry thought about it for a minute before coming up with a response that made sense.

“They might not take it seriously. If you don’t want to be the stereotypical gay guy who wants to fuck every guy he meets, this is the best option. Marriage is a huge, serious step that no one steps into without proper thought. It will send a message that you’re settling down, you know; coming out, announcing your marriage. They’ll see it as you finally getting your life together. Everyone will go, ‘ _Hey, he’s with Harry, and we all know he’s decent. Maybe we’ve been a little hard on him.’_ Whatever the response is, it has to be good. Like, I don’t mean to sound conceited, but the papers love me. And as Liam said, the media loves our friendship. What’s it to them if we take it a notch further? And most importantly, even if we get married, it will only be for show. Behind closed doors, we’ll remain what we always have been: best friends.”

“Do we have to go the proper legal way or just...?”

“I reckon it’ll be best to go the proper way. Otherwise, if some journalist goes to verify the facts, they’ll go ballistic when they find out we’ve lied.”

“What’s in it for you, though? Why are you so eager to help me?” Louis cocked an eyebrow. _This is where it gets tricky_ , Harry thought, staring at the bedside table and the glass of water kept on it. He needed a good enough reason to convince Louis that this was a win-win without revealing the actual thing.

“Now, as I said, it’s an excellent way for us to catch up. I mean, it’s been two years! And not just because I need a place to stay, you knob,” Harry started before Louis could open his mouth. Louis just rolled his eyes affectionately. "Being married gives me a barrier to hide behind when the expectations and duties of my father's high-society world get too much. I need to be able to refuse invitations to whatever, and having a husband waiting at home is the perfect excuse." 

"You want to marry me because you don't want to attend cocktail parties? That's the lamest fucking thing I've ever heard, H." Louis blinked. It did sound lame, even to Harry.

"Will you start focusing on the actual points, you prick? Not on random sentences I add in," Harry chuckled, hoping to get Louis off his case.

“How long do you reckon it will take to get them off my arse?” Louis grunted, eyes concentrated.

Harry answered immediately, “I’m thinking a year, maybe eighteen months. Hopefully by then they leave us alone. Then we can separate quietly, say we still love each other, there’s no bad blood, and remain friends.” Louis raised his eyebrows. Harry seemed to have given this a lot of thought. 

He took in everything Harry had said, wheels turning in his head as he bit his lip. He hated to admit it, but it did make sense. The only thing was that Louis hated being chained, caged. How long would this last? What was the point of coming out if he couldn’t be with who he wanted to? But then again, there was no one to be with. Maybe after he and Harry “broke up” he could start looking for potential men to date. He deserved it after so long. 28 years without any action? Jesus Christ. However, the prospect of letting the public and the fans know the truth- or part of it at least- gave him a rush. He was so tired of the stunts, of pretending to be asleep while his beards clicked photos that somehow always got “leaked”, or holding hands with disgusting manicured hands. He’d always chased a specific rawness, always desired to be held by bodies stronger and larger than his. _Anyway_ , he yawned, _I’m bloody starving. Oh, Harry’s expecting a response, right_.

Harry watched Louis stand up and stretch. His sweater rode up his stomach and Harry could see the golden, tanned skin. His mouth went dry. Shit, this was a bad idea. Maybe he should back off. He’d just fuck off to Antarctica and escape with Nate’s money. _Tell Louis this is a bad idea_. He could already feel himself getting half-hard. _ALL BECAUSE YOU SAW HIS STOMACH? YOU’VE SEEN HIM NAKED MORE TIMES THAN YOU CAN COUNT, BLOODY CUNT._

“Alright, let’s get married.” _Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to make three shoutouts - [ maria ](https://www.grape-nuts-vs-kelloggs.tumblr.com) for being a very helpful beta. their insight is the best and they're so supportive and encouraging even when i can't write 💖. [ mimi ](https://www.larrythedreamteam.tumblr.com) for being an awesome britpicker. my work is so much better when you edit it. and finally, [ elif ](https://www.destieliscanonnow.tumblr.com) for making a [ spotify playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/026ZJHj3JGOs9w21YowbNM?si=luQELCe3SCy9-N4NHRG9ug) that you can listen to! (preferably not on shuffle) go show them some love. comments and kudos are appreciated, mwah. rae xx

**Author's Note:**

> phew. there it was! i hope u liked it. if u did, kudos and comments would be appreciated. if u didn't, please lie shlkjahj. huge shoutout to cheerio, izzy, goat and jay for being so supportive and putting up with me. you gals are amazhang. if u want, come talk to me on tumblr! (hometothecanyonmoon) okay okay im leaving. bye .x


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